I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
