He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
