I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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