You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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