i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
