Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
