you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
