I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
