Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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