Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
