But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
