This is not my ceiling
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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