3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
