I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
