i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
