At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
