I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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