We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
