Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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