rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
