It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
