i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
