I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
