you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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