The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
where are you?
Hypothermia
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The struggles of a small town man whore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
