I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize