Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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