Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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