Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
