He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
