So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
