Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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