Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this hospital has no fireball
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
