last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
