but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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