it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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