maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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