OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
