Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My balls are so social today.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
