i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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