filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
