I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
