shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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