I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
