theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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