next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
