i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
