Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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