I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
