the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
