He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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