Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
