Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
