K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
