Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
