I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
