you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
