lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
zippers are such a cool invention
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
