So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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