look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
