i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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