When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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