I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
