Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
