and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
