My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
