Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
