Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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  (407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!" http://tfl.nu/fhku
  Replies (40) Good night (1542) Bad night (6031) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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  (908): everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries http://tfl.nu/l93m
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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  (865): Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand. http://tfl.nu/3nr4
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  No. Take one for the team.

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  (314): He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed? (1-314): No. Take one for the team. http://tfl.nu/7euo
  Replies (19) Good night (1090) Bad night (3921) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.

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  (973): she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery. http://tfl.nu/316x
  Replies (36) Good night (7334) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

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  (907): the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas http://tfl.nu/bksv
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

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  (217): Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997 http://tfl.nu/gfc1
  Replies (34) Good night (1091) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad

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  (403): well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad http://tfl.nu/t0b7
  Replies (14) Good night (1023) Bad night (2452) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS

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  (717): Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS http://tfl.nu/pbtw
  Replies (19) Good night (971) Bad night (2103) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.

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  (937): And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso. http://tfl.nu/q5xa
  Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity

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  (310): you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity http://tfl.nu/374z
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?

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  (603): Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener? http://tfl.nu/3402
  Replies (3) Good night (1189) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.

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  (619): According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night. http://tfl.nu/q1q9
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked

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  (734): Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked http://tfl.nu/0uzi
  Replies (5) Good night (903) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby

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  (709): Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby http://tfl.nu/4vtj
  Replies (1) Good night (945) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt

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