Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult