When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
