you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea