you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap