Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize