He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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