I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
