I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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